You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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