I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize