I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
