So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The Olympian is in my bed
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