I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
