all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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