It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
