Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
