You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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