yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
