Do you still have your period?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
whose parrot is this?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
