just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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