So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
