I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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