I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
