Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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