I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
