I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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