Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
