I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize