And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
