Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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