i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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