we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize