just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
handjob tips. give me some.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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