They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize