Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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