sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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