ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
