Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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