Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
