i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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