He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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