I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
