So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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