There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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