Where are you?
In a non slutty way
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
