I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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