shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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