Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
