I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
