No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
