i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
