he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
