I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He? As in you personified your dick?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
