I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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