i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
