this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
