it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
