i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
