omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you never un-have a 4some
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
