tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
