Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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