Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
