Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
