Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
