So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
