I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize