He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
