This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
