Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
