so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
