dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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