I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
