i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
