your parents love me but you hate me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
