I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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