It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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