I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize