all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
