i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
