Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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