I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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