I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
