why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
