"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
