they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize