She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
