She said her name was "party"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
