Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
