We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
