I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
