Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
