i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
