Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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