Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
