He kissed a someone with a penis
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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