In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
