I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
