Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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